ntang (ntang) wrote,

X3: wherein I start to whine...

Ok, so, I'm cutting this for the sake of anyone who wants to see this and doesn't want spoilers, or for anyone who just doesn't want to listen to me whine.

So, X3 was a bad movie. A very bad movie. Where should we begin?

Ok, how about the special effects? (I know, this is probably not where you expected me to begin, which makes it a good place to start, I think.) The special effects were terrible. Go back to the beginning of the movie, with Xavier and Magneto visiting Jean Grey's parents to convince them to send her to the school. They apparently used some funky "rejuvenation" software to make them look younger - it was supposed to be 20 years ago. Ok... fine. Except they looked bad - their faces looked plastic and strange, like some sort of weird botox effect, all flattened and having lost any texture or anything. It was a bit disturbing. Then there are the storm scenes, with her spinning around like a top and punching people, which looked awful. Apparently they actually put her in a harness and filmed her spinning at 24 revolutions per second. You know, there's a reason God created CG effects - they can, when applied correctly, actually look better when you're doing ridiculous things like spinning like a top. I never thought I'd wish they used more straight CG and fewer actual actors, but you know, the action looked more "real" in the new Star Wars movies than it did in X3.

Ok, so they screwed up the special effects. Fine. What else?

Well, how about the plot, continuity, etc. Terrible, too. Let me ask you something - why on EARTH would you choose to tear up a huge bridge to get to Alcatraz, when you could - with much less effort - simply create a bridge? Or use some of the metal from the bridge to make a quick bridge over to the island? Or, for fuck's sake, TAKE A BOAT?! And why, when you step off the bridge, would it suddenly change from day to night? Did it really take 2 hours for that camera rotate? Why would Charles bring Magneto to talk to Jean's parents, when Magneto was, even then, not someone he could reliably control or count on? If Charles fucking Xavier can't convince someone - with or without his powers - to do something, how is having Magneto there going to help? (I know, it gives them a convenient little link to the past when they both go back later, but please...) Why, if you're Storm, are you fucking making yourself dizzy spinning around and punching people when you could JUST BLOW THE SHIT OUT OF THEM WITH LIGHTNING?!

There were around 50 plots, none of which quite worked together, all crammed into 2 hours. I've never seen someone try to pack so much into so little time, and do such a bad job with it in both senses. The entire thing felt rushed and jammed in for no good reason - they could have cut out half of the subplots and it would have allowed them to delve into the remaining 25 plots and subplots with much more depth and really explore them a bit. At the very least it'd have been less confusing and nonsensical. Or, of course, they could have cut it back to one major plot and a few minor subplots and actually had some characterization and growth over the course of the movie. Or not.

And why, for that matter, were there so many mutants? I think Ratner killed off more mutants in X3 than there were in both of the first two put together. More is not inherently better, Brett, it's just not better. There were so many mutants that I couldn't keep track of them all, and I'm actually familiar with the comics. They killed off several major characters, but I didn't feel even the slightest bit of emotion, despite them being major parts of the series for 3 movies now. But - they're not really dead, are they? Xavier winked, for God's sake, he bloody winked right before being vaporized. So now he's Obi Wan? Does this mean his ghost is going to be giving shimmering blue hints to the X-Men in the next movie?

How about that acting? And the writing? Woo! Boy, brings you back to the good old days, I haven't heard dialog that scintillating since Arnold was on screen shooting people instead of governating.

I mean, really. The entire movie was, in my opinion, an embarrassment. It wasn't even fun to watch. The constant plot holes, the amateurish special effects, the weak action choreography, the terrible acting... ignore the fact that I'm a big X-Men fan from the old comic days. The movie was just plain bad, with or without any feelings about it. At least in some movies like, say, Underworld 2, you can just sort of giggle at some of the ludicrous bits and enjoy it for what it's worth. This movie doesn't even give you that.

And... well, let's just say that as a comic fan, I found the entire thing to be a desecration of what were, in my opinion, some of the finest examples of super-hero comic writing known to mankind. Not the best ever, of course, but there was some amazing stuff in those old comics - the X-Men were really ground breaking in a lot of ways, and a lot of the plots and characterization that took place in the comics were pretty amazing for the time. Heck, they're pretty amazing compared to a lot of more "modern" comics. And, on top of that, I grew up with them. I've got that level of fondness, too.

So, take all of that, and what do you get? I'd give it maybe a .... I dunno, a D+ if you know nothing about the comics, and an F if you're a fan of the comics. There's my review.

(What makes it even more sad is reading what the writers, actors, etc. said about it - if they honestly believed even half of what they said, that's just sad. Check this out: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/x_men_3_the_last_stand/about.php )

  • Where I am nowadays

    I haven't updated this in a million years... in case you're wondering why, it's because I've mostly moved on to other places. You can find my…

  • DSL

    I've been a loyal Megapath customer for years. (Something like 8 or 10, crazy, in that range...) They've had great service (and a great service -…

  • MySQL failover

    So we're running some MySQL at work, which is a little unusual for us, but is probably long overdue. (Specifically, it's for some Wordpress…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded