I'm going to go cook a real dinner, some pseudo-thai style chicken with noodles, and then I'm going to see if I can't get at least a little cleaning done. I hate this place, it's so messy, and between the things going on in my life I never have the time or energy or willpower to clean it well. I also hate looking at myself, I want to work out and get rid of my damn belly and tighten up my arms and torso (and legs too, I guess, but those don't bother me) but I can't bring myself to exercise. I want to get some programming done, but I can't get it together. I need to set up the servers so my dad can put his web site on my server but I can't get up the willpower to do it. I want to do so much and I just... can't... make... myself...
Ugh. I'm burning out, and it's not pleasant to watch myself go down in flames. I'm not saying I'm not doing ok meanwhile, because I am - but I'm losing my drive and my will and my ability to push myself to my limits. I'm getting by, and that's it. I want to be succeeding as much as humanly possible, and instead I'm just getting by. Bleh. :/
I need to remember to call back again tonight and see if I can reach my cousin. I want to congratulate her on her new baby.
Anyway, time to cook.