THE RING THREE
We see AIDAN KELLER (DAVID DORFMAN) watching tv in the living room, sitting on the floor indian style, the camera looking on from the side. The room is dark, illuminated by the tv alone. Music starts playing softly from the tv, the volume increasing rapidly: Thriller.
The camera cuts to a close-up on the tv screen, where we see a well. In the distance, some giraffes wander by a ferris wheel. Something is seen coming up over the edge of the well - a hand! A white-clothed figure, long black hair down in front of its face, obscuring it, walks forward doing the Thriller dance.
The camera cuts back to the side view of Aidan, watching, and then with a weird sound, a sequin-gloved hand slowly emerges from the tv, taking Aidan's hand in its own, and pulling him in.
The base of the empire state building. Fire and police and swat and other emergency crews are rushing about. Screams are heard, rain is falling, there's chaos all around. A piece of rubble falls from the sky, crashing into the windshield of a car, setting off its alarm. The camera turns up, and flies up the side of the building, where we see KING KONG (KING KONG JR.) holding RACHEL KELLER (NAOMI WATTS) and climbing the side of the building. He roars at the camera as it flies by. Naomi is dressed in a clingy white (wet) t-shirt and pajama pants, screaming into the rain-filled sky.
The camera cuts to a dark street, lightning flashing and occasionally illuminating it, the camera slowly panning along the street. Sparks fly from some smashed up... uh... electrical stuff. A dark figure concealed in a cloak, comes onto the camera. It is walking faster, moving into the middle of the camera, which speeds up to match it for a moment, and then slows down again, letting it get off frame. The camera cuts so we see the cloaked figure from behind, a handle (looking like a sword or other weapon) poking up from the cloak, past its shoulder. The figure pulls the hood of the cloak down, revealing a shock of messy, wavy hair. The figure looks ahead, where in the distance we see the Empire State Building, King Kong visible on it, illuminated by spotlights and lightning flashes. The figure pauses for a moment, and then strides forward, purposefully.
The camera cuts again, showing the figure from the front. It is JACK BLACK (JACK BLACK), with several days of stubble, wearing a grim and determined scowl. A guitar handle rises from beneath his cloak, and surveying the scene before him, he reaches around, freeing his guitar and preparing to rock.
Music: Wonderboy (Tenacious D) fades in.
Jack strides forward, swinging his guitar into position, and begins strumming. Electricity crackles around his fingers as he plays. The nearby emergency crews turn to watch as he plays. Above, King Kong pauses, hearing the first strains of the music wafting up from below. He looks down, roars furiously, and begins quickly climbing up the side of the building.
Jack aims his guitar, unleashing his musical rage. Unfortunately, it's hard to aim your rage through a guitar, and the shots miss Kong, instead knocking loose some more rubble, crushing a few people to death. Jack scowls, and plays a furious riff, as a light spreads along the guitar. Switching to holding it by the neck, he swings it around, as it makes the light sabre swishing noise, the rain drops hissing as they hit its glowing surface. With a cry, he begins scaling the building after King Kong.
The camera cuts back and forth between Kong, climbing the building and looking down in a panic, and Jack, climbing, inexorably closer. As he nears, Kong unleashes a few kicks at him. Jack swings his axe in defense and slices clean through Kong's foot. It falls down, crushing a car, sending people diving for cover. Kong howls in pain, and Jack roars in triumph. Seeing an opening, Jack swings his axe at the building and it explodes, a huge shockwave ripping from it, sending both him and Kong plummeting towards the ground. Jack rolls with the landing, and stands, holding his arms out. Rachel falls into his arms, and he puts her down gently, and then turns. Kong crashes to the ground, knocking over a few buildings, and then pulls himself up, limping from the bloody stump.
Jack holds his hands up, and lightning strikes him. Shaking, and twisting as the lightning wraps around him, he begins growing, his shirt tearing off, Hulk-style, until he is staring directly into Kong's eyes. Kong roars, beating its fists against its chest. Jack does the same.
Fight scene music: Karate (Tenacious D)
Fight scene: Jack and Kong engage in a knock-down, drag-out fight, complete with Matrix moves and buildings being smashed, left and right. Cars are used as weapons, people are squashed, havoc is wreaked, and finally, launching into a flying kick, Jack kicks Kong's head off. It flies across the city, smashing through a skyscraper and finally landing with a *plop* in the river, leaving a sinister ring-shaped wave of bloody froth. Kramer swims by.
Jack, now returned to normal size, walks up to Rachel, tired, but satisfied, his cloak burnt and ripped, his shirt missing, his belly flapping in the wind. He takes her hand and they walk off into the darkness, the city trashed and burning behind them.
Music: Fuck Her Gently (Tenacious D) fades in as the scene fades to black.
Rachel and Jack walk into her new apartment. The house is dark, the tv on, showing static. Rachel turns the light on, and Jack steps in, his foot squishing into the wet carpet. Rachel rushes through the apartment, looking for Aidan, and ends up back in the living room, looking at the tv in horror. Jack drops to his knees and sniffs the carpet, and says "What the fuck? Your carpet is soaked in giraffe piss...!" Rachel screams.
Upstairs, DAHLIA WILLIAMS (JENNIFER CONNELLY) is ankle-deep in liquid, chasing a chimp with a broom. She hears the scream and holds her head with a sigh. "Damnit!"
Back downstairs, Rachel screams, "You can't have him, Samara! You can't!" She dives at the television, her head smacking into it with a hollow glassy clunk. "Ow!" Jack looks on and says "What the fuck are you doing?" Rachel screams, "She's got my baby! That bitch has taken my baby!" Jack replies, "Woah, woah, slow down there, chickie. I haven't even eaten yet. Let's get our fucking priorities straight. Damn!" Jack walks into the kitchen, shaking his head, his cloth boots squishing in the carpet, as Rachel sits and weeps. He whispers under his breath, "Craaaazy..." as he rolls his eyes and starts rummaging through the fridge. He calls back, "Hey, is this a schnitzel? Do you have any mustard?"
[To be continued]