ntang (ntang) wrote,

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No Child Left Behind

One of these days when I conquer the world, I'll have a program designed to improve the education system in the world, and mine will have a cheesy name too, because I will be a politician, at least theoretically.  I'm not sure if killing anyone that opposes you is considered politics, but bear with me for a moment.  Dictators are politicians too.

So I'd have a program, but it wouldn't be like GW's program.  "No Child Left Behind" is fundamentally broken, namely in that it presumes that every child deserves to advance.  That's the sort of thinking that lets people like GW graduate from school.  No, see, that's not an answer.  You don't want to promote incompetents, and frankly, you don't want to waste your time trying to beat some sense into them either for 17 years until they're the oldest graduating "child" in the state.

No, the answer is simple.  I'd call my program "No Idiot Left Alive", and it would be designed to solve multiple problems at once: mass stupidity, overpopulation, hunger, education budget shortfalls, and all sorts of other things.  It's simple, really.  If you're an idiot, we'll kill you.  And probably use you for fertilizer, or maybe to feed livestock or pets.  Or, in those countries where cannibalism is accepted, you'd feed an entire village for a day or whatever.  Sally Struthers would be serving you up herself.  Possibly partaking of a bit as well.  Speaking of which, she could probably feed a village or two herself.

I'd also commit scientists to more environmentally conscious, renewable fuels - like maybe using idiots.  One of these days, you may be driving a hybrid idiot/electric-powered car.  You'd pull up to the station and you'd see the IQ meter count down as your tank was filled up.  It'd be great, and would cause much less pollution than gasoline.  The prices would also be lower, since idiots are essentially free (although refining them for fuel would undoubtedly have a cost associated with it).

Whatever.  There are all kinds of potential uses for idiots, and we'd find them all.  So just remember, when I conquer the world and hold my sham elections, vote for me, because I'm the sort of take-charge leader that will actually put words into action and make the world a better place - even over your dead body.

-- brought to you by the Nicholas Tang for Ruler of the Known World '08 Campaign

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