ntang (ntang) wrote,

  • Music:

Long rambling post. Also, today. [p] [m]

I had a nice day alone today, wandering around the UES. I sat around near the Central Park Zoo* for a while, and after I got tired of that I visited The Frick Collection (TFC). If you haven't been there, I highly recommend it - not only do they have some fabulous artwork, but the place itself is simply amazing. TFC was originally a private residence, and it makes you understand why it's so good to be rich. The thought of having a home like that makes my knees go weak - it really is fabulous. Here's a pic of the Garden Court - can you imagine something like this in your home?

I wandered around in there for a while - close to two hours, I think. They have an amazing collection, considering the size - Rembrandts and Whistlers and Vermeers and El Grecos and a bunch of others. (Gimme a break, it's almost 4 am, just being able to type at all is an achievement.) They had a special exhibition of some of Parmigianino's work (not his actual last name, but an adopted last name since he was from Parma - his actual name is Francesca Mazzola) which was pretty nice - and it was fun seeing his progression over the course of 20-odd years. I liked his drawings best; his paintings and etchings were ok but didn't live up to the potential of his sketches, I thought.

After TFC, I headed over to the Asia Society (AS), which was a bit disappointing. They had two shows going on, and neither was particularly interesting - and if I'm paying $7 I expect more. While I could've stayed longer, I think I put in less than 30 minutes, and didn't feel like I missed out on anything substantial for having left that quickly. Bleh.

After that, I wandered around a little more, stopping in a liquor store briefly to grab a bottle of port (Niepoort 10 year tawny) then hopped on the subway and headed back home.

After getting home and having dinner, my father and I went and saw Welcome to Mooseport, which was sappy and predictable and cute, and while not at all challenging was a pleasant enough diversion. After that, we watched The French Connection on DVD, another Gene Hackman flick.

Anyways, on to the rambling bit (I know, that's a horrifying thought, that everything above was the less rambling stuff, but there you go).

So anyways, one of the revelations I had today during my time alone was that I was actually enjoying myself, and that means that I can in fact enjoy my own company. A lot of people will find that odd, but most of the time I've been fairly unhappy and/or lonely being alone. Odd for a loner, no? It's true, though. I think that was from my lack of self-confidence... when you don't like yourself, why would you enjoy being alone with yourself? Being with people made me feel wanted, it helped me to think about other things, and it made me feel like less of a loser. Being able to just wander around alone and enjoy it without feeling the normal pang of loneliness and/or patheticicity (I'm patenting that word right now!).

It's weird, making all of these realizations and feeling such a dramatic change in myself, my outlook on the world, even my self-image. I feel more confident than I have in a long time, and more hopeful. I really do think things are getting better and will continue to get better, and I have more faith in myself now than I have for as long as I can remember.

Ugh. Getting so tired I can't think. I really want to talk more about this stuff, but I can't now. Tomorrow, perhaps.

* - Not entirely because I wanted to, but I thought I was getting met there by some people. *cough cough*
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