Yeah, it sounds a bit like something out of a video game, no? Well, here's where it actually gets weird.
See, and I don't entirely understand this bit myself, there was a giant... uh... killer potato. It was blocking the way out, and was yelling and stuff. It wanted to kill me. I guess that makes sense, since it was a giant killer potato. It had arms and legs and a big face sort of thing on the potato a bit - no torso, really, just the potato was its head and it had arms and legs sprouting out.
The other person and I were scared - the damn potato must have been 8 or 9 feet tall, and was a scary mofo. And don't forget, it was yelling.
It was standing under some sort of tree, which looked oddly like a giant plant. In retrospect I'm wondering if maybe the two of us were shrunk down, but at the time it didn't occur to me, I was too busy wondering if I'd survive.
So the other person was scared and pressed against the wall, so I attacked the potato. Not a good idea, it back-handed me and sent me crashing into the wall. This potato was a badass.
I stumbled to my feet, coughing, and looked around - and then I saw it. There was a giant banana, at least 4 or 5 feet long. Not alive, mind you, just a giant banana. I picked it up, and ran at him, and brought it up like some sort of giant yellow lance and, with a cry, slammed it into his face/torso/body thing.
The potato stumbled backwards and collapsed against the tree, unconscious or maybe just stunned. How can you tell on a potato anyways?
Fortunately, this wasn't a horror dream, and even if it was (admit it, you'd be scared too if a 9 foot tall potato was yelling and trying to kill you, you KNOW you would) I'm not stupid. I threw the banana to the side and stepped back, looking for another weapon. (Using the banana to club him to death would've brought me too close to him, he could've kicked my legs and dropped me and then jumped me.)
Then, I saw it. It was too good not to use it... it would just be too deliciously ironic. There was a giant potato lying on the ground around 20 feet away. It was a big bastard, and not of the killer variety - but it must have been at least 6 feet long, and 3 or 4 feet wide.
I walked over to the inert potato, slowly, and with a tremendous roar, managed to lift the 6 foot potato over my head and walk back towards him. I held it there for a second, grimacing, and then hurled it down onto him. It slammed into him with a dull thud. (You try smashing one potato into another, it just doesn't sound that exciting.)
I stepped back and wiped at the trickle of blood coming from my mouth. The potato wasn't moving. (Either, technically.) It was looking a bit flatter, though. I kicked it and it rolled over dustily and thudded to a stop, face down.
I turned around and saw a giant butter knife leaning against the wall. (Why on earth hadn't I noticed that when I was looking around and saw the banana? Jesus.) Lifting it up like a spear, I turned back to the unconscious (or perhaps already dead) potato, and, with one titanic swing, cut it nearly in half. Then I threw down the butter knife and collapsed down to a sitting position.
The smell of butter and baked potato wafted up from his corpse, and a few lines of butter dribbled down into the sand from his gaping wound.
I stared at its body, sitting there in the dusty bowl, as my friend in the background (whoever it was) cautiously moved forward to join me, and help me to my feet. (If it was you, all I can say is, you're a damn coward!)
I woke up then.