My beer's gone warm I'm wondering why
I got off the floor at all
The morning hangover clouds memory
And I can't recall at all
But even if I could it would all be shite
But the sparkle in my hand
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
Dear Guinness, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'
I just wanted you to know that I found a can with a ball in it
I was just on my third when I noticed it at the bottom
There probably was a problem with the mixing machine or something
But sometimes I imagine things like this when I drink a lot
Oh hell just the other night after my 15th shot
I thought my dog mindy was my wife and boy we had a blast
When I turned her over sideways and I fucked her in the ass
But that's another story what I really wanted to say
Was your think and creamy liquid makes me feel so queer and gay
Oh just the other night I grabbed my son Georgie and I kissed him
Oh I see it must be your floatin' draft system
Dear John, thank you for your letter but we're very busy
You said you kissed your homo son, what are you, a sissy?
Look, we're very flattered you enjoy our floating draft,
But I'm sure that's not what makes you want to take it in the ass
I don't know what to say, maybe you're an alcoholic
Of course, you don't need alcohol to enjoy having your balls licked
It's probably from drinking too much beer and liquor of all sorts,
Or maybe it's just your son Georgie's come-fuck-me shorts,
Anyway, thanks for choosing our Guinness beer,
And please, never write again, you fucking Irish queer
Hey, don't say shit like that
Fuck that, I'll go drink Foster's.
Listen to it.