July 15th, 2004


Republicans: Marrying box turtles is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Republican Senator John Cornyn of Texas was quoted as having said the following:

"It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right. ... Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife."

(I couldn't find the full text of the speech, unfortunately. And no, I couldn't make that stuff up if I tried.)

Now, John - may I call you John? - ok, John, look. Just because Ralph Nader and the rest of the green party excommunicates are pushing to allow marriage between box turtles and men does not mean that everyone is. Relax. All we - and by we, I refer to sensible people, even including some Democrats (and amazingly, a few Republicans) - are asking for is that people - people, mind you, not box turtles, not spotted owls, and certainly, definitely, absolutely not the australian platypus - be allowed to marry, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. I will admit - I have to, I'm sorry, but I have to be honest - that I'm not a big proponent of marriage rights for interspecies couples. Civil unions between species, on the other hand - I mean, sure, who doesn't support that? But marriage? Well, that's going a bit far. C'mon guys.

So relax, John, and any other Republicans out there - we're not asking you to allow turtles and men to mate. I've got doubts that it's even physically possible, except maybe for sea turtles, because as I understand it they're pretty big. But otherwise - c'mon, no one's asking the laws of man to supplant the laws of nature. If a couple - a human couple, that is - is in love, though, can it really hurt to let them tie the knot?
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