June 6th, 2004

lung

Stupid people

I just want to make something clear: I really hate stupid people.

I know, I know, you're thinking . o O ( "But stupid people have a right to live too!" )  And you'd be right, too - if you weren't wrong.

We made copies of the new apartment keys, and the stupid person at Home Depot got them wrong.  When I say "got them wrong", I mean he (or she, women can be just as stupid as men and I wasn't there when the atrocity was being committed) used the wrong key.... template, or form, or whatever they call them.  In other words, he cut the teeth reasonably well, but the key was just the wrong shape, the grooves in the side were the wrong size and/or shape and/or whatever.  To put it another way, he's a stupid poopy head.

I mean, really.  Your job is to stand there and cut keys.  There are maybe 100 different types of keys.  Is it really that hard to pick the right one?  He had 6 keys to copy, and he got 2 of them wrong.  That's 66% correct, that's like a D+ at best.  There's just no excuse for it.

We're (and when I say we, I actually mean "my dad", since he is home during the day due to being retired) going to go back and try to get a refund, or in a worst case scenario to get someone less stupid to recut them for free.  Ideally we'd get a refund AND get to jam the unworking keys in the eyesockets of the person that cut them, but I think that's against store policy.

I'm officially tired.  Oak was not meant to be slept on, at least not without a mattress between you and said oak.  I'm probably grumpy as well, but I'm too busy thinking about killing and maiming to really think about my mood.
  • Current Music: U2 - 13 - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
lung

No Child Left Behind

One of these days when I conquer the world, I'll have a program designed to improve the education system in the world, and mine will have a cheesy name too, because I will be a politician, at least theoretically.  I'm not sure if killing anyone that opposes you is considered politics, but bear with me for a moment.  Dictators are politicians too.

So I'd have a program, but it wouldn't be like GW's program.  "No Child Left Behind" is fundamentally broken, namely in that it presumes that every child deserves to advance.  That's the sort of thinking that lets people like GW graduate from school.  No, see, that's not an answer.  You don't want to promote incompetents, and frankly, you don't want to waste your time trying to beat some sense into them either for 17 years until they're the oldest graduating "child" in the state.

No, the answer is simple.  I'd call my program "No Idiot Left Alive", and it would be designed to solve multiple problems at once: mass stupidity, overpopulation, hunger, education budget shortfalls, and all sorts of other things.  It's simple, really.  If you're an idiot, we'll kill you.  And probably use you for fertilizer, or maybe to feed livestock or pets.  Or, in those countries where cannibalism is accepted, you'd feed an entire village for a day or whatever.  Sally Struthers would be serving you up herself.  Possibly partaking of a bit as well.  Speaking of which, she could probably feed a village or two herself.

I'd also commit scientists to more environmentally conscious, renewable fuels - like maybe using idiots.  One of these days, you may be driving a hybrid idiot/electric-powered car.  You'd pull up to the station and you'd see the IQ meter count down as your tank was filled up.  It'd be great, and would cause much less pollution than gasoline.  The prices would also be lower, since idiots are essentially free (although refining them for fuel would undoubtedly have a cost associated with it).

Whatever.  There are all kinds of potential uses for idiots, and we'd find them all.  So just remember, when I conquer the world and hold my sham elections, vote for me, because I'm the sort of take-charge leader that will actually put words into action and make the world a better place - even over your dead body.

-- brought to you by the Nicholas Tang for Ruler of the Known World '08 Campaign
  • Current Music: U2 - 03 - Summer Rain