May 14th, 2001



Bleh totally sums up my feelings right now.

I feel bleh about everything. Sigh.

Read an email from my boss, he's getting tired of waiting for the Netsaint server to be finished and wants me to fix the plugin I wrote. I don't see what's wrong with it, though. I think his complaint is that it was spamming us too much with problems... but if we knew how to fix the problems it spammed us about, it'd stop spamming us. I don't see that as a problem with the plugin. :)

Very tired, and still feeling kinda sick, although I think it might be mainly allergies at this point.

Went to my dad's place on Friday night. Spent Saturday morning* shopping and then spent Saturday afternoon/night at my mother's place for Mother's Day. Yes, we're all aware it was on Sunday, but I'll get to that in a second.

Sunday my dad and I woke up at 5 am and went to my cousin's graduation ceremony. She got her Master's from LIU in art therapy, and that was cool. She's cool, I definitely like her. Heh. Anyway she went out to lunch with her former bf and his family after the ceremony, so we took off. (She was going to cancel with them to go with us, but I didn't want that to happen. Then she tried to get us to come with them, but my dad was tired and decided we should probably head out. Long Island is quite a ways from central Jersey, anyways...)

Came back, did a little more shopping. Went to my mom's place, picked up the kids (she watched them while we went to see my cousin), set up the printer for her, and then we took off. Finally got back about an hour or so ago. And now, I'm going to post this and then get ready for tomorrow and go to bed.

And I am feeling so extremely bleh... :/ Strong dose of melancholy in there for good measure, too.

I'm not actually depressed, but I'm so strongly bleh that I think it'd be better to be depressed. I'm worn out and over tired (I've been up since 5 am damnit) and while the weekend was ok it was also very disappointing in some ways (I wanted to spend more time with my cousin, but I wasn't going to take her away from her lunch... also wanted to do more for my mom but I couldn't figure out what and didn't have the time because LIU sucks and made their commencement ceremony on mother's day... wanted to get more stuff shopping but didn't have the time or money... Saw that my boss is not so thrilled with me right now, which is at least partially earned... I dunno... ), and more than just disappointing, was intensely unsatisfying. There's a difference, at least in my mind, but I can't quite put a finger on it. It's left me feeling extremely bleh and not-quite depressed. It was a very tiring weekend, and left me feeling very very drained, and not just physically.

Now I have to get ready for bed (bleh), go to work (bleh), try to fix things up there and make my boss not-upset with me, work some on LJ::TM (major bleh), work on my other personal projects (super bleh), do laundry and chores (bleh bleh)... the problem is, there's nothing I really seem to want to do. Just long lists of things I don't want to do. That's a depressing state to be in. What makes it even worse is that I know I do want to do some of these things, and/or to achieve the results that comes from having done them, but I can't motivate myself to do any of them. If I don't make myself do them, though, then I will be outright upset later once I recover from this, because nothing will have been accomplished. Sigh.

Maybe I just need more sleep and this feeling will leave. I hope so.

* morning as defined in the college student sense... I was sick, give me a break...
  • Current Music
    Nine Inch Nails - Where Is Everybody- (Version)


My software request for MS Office/Visio for my laptop was only partially approved. Visio - yes. Office - no. So I'm downloading Open Office now. It's kind of annoying - they distribute things like the phone list in Excel format but won't give me Excel. Damnit!

Still, better that the spending be cautious. I like the idea of working for a profitable dot com and we won't be profitable if we spend like Kozmo did. It's just a little frustrating, having come from two companies in a row that were fairly free in their spending.

Oh well, back to work.

Update: Ok, I was wrong. They didn't approve professional edition or whatever, but they did give me small business edition. Whatever, I don't give a damn as long as I get Word and Excel. :)

Is it just me...

...or do McDonald's fries get nastier and nastier as time goes on?

I seem to remember a point at which it was actually enjoyable to eat a McD's fry, in a nasty, greasy sort of way. Now, they just plain suck.

What is the world coming to..?!


Feeling very nauseous right now. The bus ride didn't agree with me, or maybe the McDonald's didn't, or maybe just everything doesn't right now. Ugh.


Bloody fucking pot smoker's at work again outside my window!

I need a flamethrower SO badly. Anyone who sends me one will be my friend, like, forever, or a really long time barring that*.

* Offer not good in Canada, Zimbabwe, and the Mongolian Steppes. Purchase not required. May cause allergic reaction.
  • Current Music
    Fugees - Killing Me Softly