ntang (ntang) wrote,

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I've started dreaming again.

For the longest time, years at a time, I hadn't really been dreaming. I suppose I had been, but I hadn't had even the faintest recollection of having done it. Not even knowing I had dreamed but not remembering the dream, having absolutely no sense of having dreamed, even when woken up randomly by something outside me. Never.

Recently, though, I've started having dreams again. They fade into distant memories once I wake up, but I remember having them now. I catch glimpses of them as they fade, remember little bits. Some part of me is conscious of having them while they go on.

I wonder what's changed. Note that I don't mean in the time since the separation, I mean just in the past couple of months they've returned. It's new. I don't know if this is good or bad. It's different, though.

I was considering posting about my dream from last night, but I realized that I can't remember it. That's nothing new. It wasn't upsetting, or at least not very upsetting.

My dreams are very rarely pleasant, or at least the ones I remember having afterwards aren't. I wouldn't say they're nightmares, at least not most, but they aren't pleasant. They're uncomfortable, or scary, or disturbing. Sometimes they're just mildly disconcerting, like something's wrong, but I don't know what.

Heh, I guess my dreams are like my public outward appearance. Always serious, often disturbing. ;)

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