I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. (You've never heard that one before, right? Pfft.) I'm really tired. This whole single father / almost-divorcee / sys admin / insomniac combo is lethal. For me, I mean, not my enemies. About the only thing they'd have to quake in fear about is me falling asleep and drooling on them.
My bus partners seem to be taking a turn for the better. I usually either luck out and get to sit alone (I take the seat directly behind the driver if possible, which most people avoid like the plague for some reason. I don't know why. I don't argue. I just enjoy having it to myself when I do.) or I get the annoying/obnoxious/smelly/whatever person sitting next to me. This isn't always true, of course, but I've never had particularly good luck. Generally if the seat next to me is empty, the cute female boarding will avoid the seat at all cost and go sit with someone else. I've just grown to accept this as fact; balding middle-aged men with cell phones and briefcases don't mind sitting next to me, but anyone remotely attractive does. Until today! I boarded the bus, took the first open 2 seater, and sat in against the window. There were two other two seaters with a single person in them ahead of me, but the cute asian walked past them to sit in my chair. I was, to be entirely honest, totally surprised.
The funny thing is though, unless you're involved with your seat partner, or willing to make some sort of overt physical move, it seems rather pointless to sit next to someone attractive. I mean, I use NJ Transit like a motel on wheels - I get on, I close my eyes, I go to sleep. Sometimes I read the newspaper or a book. Generally I try to sleep. So I went to sleep. I was tired. On the way home a similar thing happened. Another cute asian actually. I read the newspaper and then took another nap.
There was no point to me telling that story, but I'm good like that.
At work today I didn't feel like I accomplished much. I did work, I just didn't seem to have huge amounts to show for it. I thought about the firewall problem and how to solve it, I collected some info for it, wrote some scripts to help me figure out what machines are where in each subnet, and spent a while helping one of the junior admins with the various things that confused him. I mean, I did work, I just didn't have much to point to and say "this is what I did". Helping the junior admin with his work, for instance, is a valuable way to spend my time, but it doesn't get me any credit for work accomplished. Writing the script to make my own job easier was worthwhile, as it's useful and has already saved me some time, and likely will save me more in the future, but again, it's nothing noteworthy. I haven't felt very productive at work recently, but a lot of the work I'm doing is more "abstract" in the sense that it doesn't have a lot of "output". I'm not building a barn, I'm reading through firewall configs and studying the network and plotting as to what might be improved or fixed. I'm looking over the subnets and trying to figure out what's where so I can rearrange them if need be. Things like that. It has to get done but it doesn't look like much.
Recently I've had a lot of problems actually producing anything. I put a whole lot of effort into accomplishing (what feels like) very little. A lot of it is just my mental state, I know, but it still feels like a lame excuse. Depression never seems like a very valid excuse for not accomplishing things. Still, it's been hard not to be depressed recently.
I think I'm going to have some rice pudding. Maybe look at my image gallery script. I really need to rewrite that, it's so terrible.